Book Club: Everything Happens For A Reason, Chapter 2

stethescope

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.  Catch up on Chapter 1.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 2: Object Lesson

Commentary by Xenia R.:

This chapter begins with Kate sharing with the reader an earlier life event when her “body failed her.” She goes on to describe how her arms stopped working, became numb, and were unable to perform the simplest of tasks when she was 28 while working on her dissertation. “Life had become an obstacle course of things to be overcome to the sound of a ticking clock.”

Completing her dissertation meant that Kate had to visit various churches where spiritual healings would be taking place and she would become the main attraction. The church leaders would usher her into a room and ask her questions trying to figure out why this had happened to her. She was viewed as a puzzle that needed to be solved.

Kate was also visiting doctors to figure out the cause of this paralysis, 35 doctors in six months. The anecdote she shares is of how a pair of doctors assumed the cause of her issue was being large chested and doing a lot of yoga, even though Kate informed them she does not partake in yoga.

The chapter continues with Kate sharing that she had to move back to her parents so that they could help her complete her dissertation by typing her dictation. You can’t help but grin when she describes spending hours watching Law and Order episodes and eating Chinese take-out (we’ve all been there).

In the closing pages of the chapter Karen shares the details of another doctor’s visit, his rationale was that everything was in her head and she was referred to psychiatry. Her reaction was to call her friend, Chelsea, whom she had grown up with. “We both grew up with unlimited hope that life was fair. But that confidence to crumble in our hands as our twenties wore on.” Karen continues to write that “spiritual law offers an elegant solution to the problems of unfairness.”

The chapter ends with Karen describing her “endless cycle of hope and disappointment” being admitted to the hospital for surgery only to find out that she was pregnant. Both she and her husband were elated, however, within a few hours she was sobbing in her husband’s arms on the floor of the bathroom having miscarried the baby.

Commentary by Mariel N.:

Chapter 2, Object Lesson, gives us more background on the author’s past and how her “body has failed her before.” A statement that I have felt and said many times before, as well. The chapter, though, feels like not only has her body failed her but also the doctors were failing her and the gospel.

As she loses the ability to use her arms while writing her dissertation, she fights for medical help while doctors have difficulty finding a diagnosis. She advocates for herself by seeing doctor after doctor and demanding testing to be done. And after all of that, the last doctor diagnosed her with a psychosomatic disorder, which infuriated her. I can relate to her frustration and feeling like doctors are letting you down because before I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 28, several doctors insisted I was too young to have breast cancer and gave other preliminary diagnoses. Some doctors didn’t even think I needed further testing.

She discusses the prosperity gospel and how people use proof to show their lives are successful and moving in a positive direction. But what does it mean then when you get a serious medical condition? The prosperity gospel also has a set of God’s principles and rules that should be followed. These give a cause and effect and answer any question of the fairness of life. If something bad happens, then you must have not followed the rules. As a cancer survivor, this thought process is difficult for me to follow. This suggests that getting cancer is due to something I have done or in response to another action. For me, this thought has crossed my mind but it creates a greater sense of anxiety moving forward. I do see how this can give an explanation to experiencing a terrible event. It gives reason to a very unfair situation. However, do I now move through life questioning everything that I do because it may cause a terrible effect?

The chapter ends with the author, Kate, going through another tragedy, a miscarriage. Her body had failed her once again. We know from the first chapter that she has a son, so that gives me hope that she was able to get through this tragic time. I’m looking forward to continuing to read and to see how these life and health events affect her views on the gospel, the prosperity gospel, and how she handles “everything happens for a reason”.

Commentary by Lauren W.:

“I was sad and angry in equal measure most of the time”  I’m not sure anything quite sums up a cancer diagnosis quite like that sentence. And Kate wasn’t even talking about cancer in this case – it was about the unexplainable occasional loss of mobility in her arms, years before her cancer diagnosis. Most of the chapter is spent on the consequences of that loss of mobility – unable to shake hands, having to move home with her parents, an endless stream of doctors who can’t figure it out (and won’t take the time to).

10 years out from my own cancer diagnosis, I still get hit by the sad and angry. When I think about whether or not I’ll ever be able to have kids. When I look down at the zipper scar running down the center of my stomach. When I overreact to basic health things because I’m terrified that once again it’s going to be cancer. And that’s not fair. It’s also why I really related to Kate (and her best friend’s) loss of the “unlimited hope that life was fair.” Because I truly haven’t thought that in over a decade.

One of the most interesting parts of Chapter 2: Object Lesson for me was the intersection of Kate’s research into the prosperity gospel and her real-life interaction with it. The dissidence between what the prosperity gospel is about – healing through prayer – and not being able to find an answer to heal what was happening. The back and forth between her research and her life is engaging – I’m always waiting to see how this ties back into what’s going on with her.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 3: Magic Tricks!

Thanks for joining us for Chapter 2: Object Lesson of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club: Everything Happens for a Reason, Chapter One

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 1: Diagnosis

Commentary by Lauren H.:

“I thought this life was only getting started, but now I am supposed to contemplate it’s sudden conclusion.”

In the first chapter of Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved), aptly titled “Diagnosis,” perhaps no line will be more relatable to young adult cancer patients and survivors than the one above. Bowler writes in this chapter of how her life seemed to be aligning on a positive trajectory: a husband she loves, a dream career, and a young child. Until suddenly it’s not. With one phone call, after months of doctors not finding the cause of her stomach pain, her entire view of her existence is shifted. She has cancer, and it’s everywhere.

Confession: this is the first cancer memoir I’ve read since my own diagnosis a year and a half ago. I’ve avoided the genre somewhat purposefully, worried about the impact on my own emotional state. But I had watched Bowler’s TED Talk and seen a recent interview about her story, so I figured I’d be able to get through this chapter fine. Yet when I pulled out the book to read while in the infusion chair last week, I found myself tearing up several times. With her honest writing style and descriptions of her physical, mental, and emotional state, I found myself empathizing with her situation—while also flashing back to my own diagnosis story.

When Bowler is in the hospital room with two of her friends, preparing for surgery, she says aloud, “I just don’t know what to do.” Her friend Beth responds, “Die.” This brutal honesty was striking, and as a reader, took me aback. It is, of course, the thing on all of our minds when we are told we have cancer, especially Stage IV cancer. But often, it is something we dance around, that we try instead to focus on the positive…I am going to beat this disease, I am going to beat the odds. And to have someone else state this outcome so simply, so directly, can be so powerful. It’s not what we want to hear, but it’s perhaps what needs to be said aloud.

Commentary by Jessica K.:

I love that this book is steeped in spirituality. Even though I do not practice Christianity, I am highly spiritual. My spirituality helped get me through last year, when I was undergoing treatment for Stage 2 Breast Cancer at age 29.

At first, I was a bit annoyed that the author assumed that all cancer patients have a “why is this happening to me” moment. (In her words, “Why? God are you here? What does this suffering mean?”). For me, I knew almost instantly why I got cancer and what it meant. I got it because I could handle it. Of all the people I knew and of my immediate family, I was in the best shape (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to bear this burden. I was best equipped for this enormous challenge.

I also needed to learn some important life lessons. Until my experience with breast cancer, I didn’t really know how to accept help from others. And, most importantly, I didn’t trust myself fully. I’ve been called intense more than once, so it’s no surprise that I needed to get cancer to learn these life lessons (which others apparently learn under regular circumstances). Going through treatment while continuing to work full time led me to realize that I can handle pretty much anything, and I really can trust myself no matter what life throws at me. I learned these things from my cancer, and for that I am grateful.

Getting back to being annoyed with the author. I thought about this some more. While it was true that I didn’t have those “why me” thoughts when I was diagnosed, or even during treatment, I definitely had them after. When everything was done and my body was wrecked from being pumped with poison and burned every day with radioactivity, I was tired and I was pissed. I was mad that the people who looked at me didn’t know that I was a cancer patient anymore. I was mad because I wasn’t getting the special kindness from strangers that I got when I was fully bald (even if it was just pity – who doesn’t like it when people hold doors for you, or just smile?).

I was really mad that I had gained 20 pounds and now had to rebuild my body. I had struggled with my body for years and finally been in a great place when I was diagnosed. This one really messed me up. “It’s not fair!” “It’s not my fault that I could only eat soup and bread for 6 months!” “This @#$%^ sucks.” All of these things were true, and I needed some time to wallow in my self-pity.

It took me a while to figure out ways to be grateful, rather than angry or sad, but eventually, I got there. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to rebuild, where so many others do not.
One last thing, because I was supposed to write about Chapter One, which is called Diagnosis. Other than the fact that our diagnoses were really different (she had a lot of symptoms leading up to hers, which must have been terrifying, whereas I thought the worst thing I’d have coming out of my routine OB/GYN appointment was an STD, if anything), we handled the news the same way.

I didn’t know that other people handled their diagnoses the same way that I did, and that made me feel more normal. I thought pretty much everyone went home and cried about it, or took time off to digest the news. And, while I’m sure there are innumerable patients who did just that, I loved reading about the author’s persistence and ability to attack her Cancer ‘to-do list’ just like any other ‘to-do list.’

Commentary by Miranda M.:

We begin the book by learning how Kate quickly incorporates a coping technique for the crippling pain she feels numerous times a day. It is a testament to how we often power through big challenges. Even when she is told of her diagnosis over the phone, she thinks of others. The words that she is compelled to repeat are “But, I have a son.” Yet, through the daunting days of her initial diagnosis, others are there for Kate too. Her friend Beth has the courage to answer the spiraling questions of what the future contains, with one simple loaded word: Die. Seemingly harsh, it was what helped snap the present moment into focus.

Join in next Monday for the comments and discussion on Chapter 2: Object Lesson!

Thanks for joining us for Chapter 1: Diagnosis of  Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler!  Join in next Monday for the next chapter!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club Update

stacked books

The young adult cancer book club has been moving slowly behind the scenes, getting ready for Round 8 to start.

Chosen by you, the next Book Club read is Kate Bowler’s book, Everything Happens For A Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved.  I’m really excited to read this book altogether.  The books are now in the Lacuna Loft offices and are ready to be sent to those of you who signed up to receive one of the 24 free books in exchange for sharing your commentary on one of the book’s chapters.  I’m so happy to announce that the books will go out this week!  We actually went crazy this time and 32 of you are receiving a free book!

To give everyone a change to dig into the book, we’ll be sending out the books this week, they’ll arrive sometime in the next week (media mail takes a while sometimes…), and we’ll give you the month of July to start reading.   During July, we’ll send out chapter assignments to the 32 young adult cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers who received a free book.  Then, we’ll start sharing commentary in August!  I know that seems like forever away but August will arrive before you know it and this way, everyone has a chance to start reading.

Once this round of the young adult cancer book club officially starts, there are several ways for you to be involved in the book club:

  1. Read the book along with us and check out the Young Adult Voices blog each Monday, starting August 5th for the next book chapter’s installment!
  2. If you get behind, check out this page for all of the posts for Round 8 of the book club.
  3. If you’d like to contribute your comments about a chapter, email info@lacunaloft.org at least a few days ahead of the Monday when that chapter will be discussed, with your comments and a short bio of yourself.

The Next Book Club Read Is…

picture of everything happens for a reason book

Chosen by you, the next Book Club Read is Kate Bowler’s book, Everything Happens For A Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved.  I’m really excited to read this book altogether.

I am super excited for the book club to be starting its 8th round. Round 1Round 2, Round 3, Round 4, Round 5, Round 6, and Round 7 were a huge success and I expect nothing less from Round 8!  So!  How does it work?  Lacuna Loft offers a free book to 24 young adult cancer patients/survivors (everyone who has been diagnosed with cancer is considered a survivor at Lacuna Loft) in exchange for sharing their commentary on one of the book’s chapters.  Each week, we will share those comments on the book, as well as personal thoughts and stories.  After we’ve completed the book, we’ll have a video chat where people can talk with one another about the book and life in general.

Normally, this is also the post where we have a sign-up ready to go for the book orders but we’re not quite ready yet.  In the meantime, go here to be notified when we are accepting sign-ups for the 24 free books (in exchange for your commentary on a chapter!) and we’ll send you an email the second the books are available to order from us!

Once this round of the young adult cancer book club officially starts, there are several ways for you to be involved in the book club:

  1. Read the book along with us and check out the Young Adult Voices blog each Monday for the next book chapter’s installment!
  2. If you get behind, check out this page for all of the posts for Round 8 of the book club.
  3. If you’d like to contribute your comments about a chapter, email info@lacunaloft.org at least a few days ahead of the Monday when that chapter will be discussed, with your comments and a short bio of yourself.

Vote For the Book Club Read!

book stack

Are you interested in reading a book along with other young adult cancer survivors?  Well, you’re in luck because it’s time to pick the next book for the young adult cancer book club at Lacuna Loft!  (Check out what we’ve read in the past here!)

There are several different types of books represented in the choices this time around…along with something completely unrelated to cancer!  I’m excited to see which book you choose!  Vote for your first choice by checking the box and then write in your second choice in the ‘other’ box!  Voting will be open for a little more than one week (until March 22).

Links to find out more about each book:  The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer, Brave Enough by Kati Gardner, Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler, In Between Days: A Memoir About Living with Cancer by Teva Harrison, and Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed.

Book Club: A Monster Calls, Online Discussion

a monster calls

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, after an idea inspired by Siobhan Dowd.  Catch up on pages 1-22, pages 23-43, pages 44-65pages 66-85, pages 86-107, pages 108-126, pages 127-141, pages 142-158, pages 159-172, pages 173-196, and pages 197-206.

We’ve finished this book!  That means that it’s time for our online book club discussion!  Join us for an hour-long, online video chat discussion of A Monster Calls on March 5th, 5:30-6:30 pm PT / 7:30-8:30 pm CT / 8:30-9:30 pm ET!  RSVP below!

Book Club: A Monster Calls, pages 197-206

old tree

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, after an idea inspired by Siobhan Dowd.  Catch up on pages 1-22, pages 23-43, pages 44-65pages 66-85, pages 86-107, pages 108-126, pages 127-141, pages 142-158, pages 159-172, and pages 173-196.

Let’s get started!

Commentary by Yolanda:

“Something In Common”

This chapter opens up with Connor having faced his nightmare, although he didn’t want to. His grandmother is frantically looking for him because his mother is nearing the end. She finds him asleep under the Yew tree and asks him where he has been. They hurriedly rush back to the hospital to ensure they don’t miss her last moments. While they drive Connor apologies to his grandmother and again he hears from an adult that “it doesn’t matter” hinting that there are more pressing things in life right now.

They share a tender moment before they reach the hospital, his grandmother points out, and they both agree, that they aren’t a natural fit for one another. But what they do have in common is his mum. She is what they have in common, seeing as she was the most important person to either of them.

“The Truth”

Connor and his grandmother burst into his mother’s hospital room, hoping that she is still hanging on. The nurse informs them that they made it in time, also pointing out that Connor was finally found. His grandmother sits beside the bed and holds his mum’s hand and informs her that both she and Connor were there. His mum then reaches out her other hand for him to hold and Connor dialogues with the Monster as to what to do?

The monster is with Connor, as he is afraid, telling him to tell truth. He takes note of the time on the wall, waiting for the infamous 12:07 he is used to. The Monster tells Connor that he is to tell the truth, he will be able to face whatever comes his way and he took his mother’s hand. It was then that Conner recognized that this was his nightmare, but simpler and just as hard. It was in this moment that he realized that was the reason that the monster came walking, to help him get through what he already knew was going to take place with his mum.

Connor finally speaks the truth to his mum telling her that he didn’t want her to go, she responds that she knows this. All the while the Monster is holding Connor up and helping him to stand in this moment. Connor repeats that he doesn’t want her to go and leans down to tightly hold her until… He knew that she would slip from him soon, but he could let her go knowing he spoke his truth.

 

Join in next Monday for the final step of the book club!

Thanks for joining us for pages 197-206 (“Something In Common” and “The Truth”) of  A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness!  Join in next Monday for the final step of the book club!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club: A Monster Calls, pages 173-196

cliff

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, after an idea inspired by Siobhan Dowd.  Catch up on pages 1-22, pages 23-43, pages 44-65pages 66-85, pages 86-107, pages 108-126, pages 127-141, pages 142-158, and pages 159-172.

Let’s get started!

Commentary by Miranda:

“The Fourth Tale”

This chapter finally reveals Conor’s tale; his nightmare that he keeps having. There has been a lot of vagueness and hints as to what it might be about in the previous chapters. We know that it was a powerful nightmare about Conor physically losing his grip and subsequently losing something, or someone, that he loves.

In this nightmare, Conor feels trapped and unable to protect his mother who happens to be sitting on a cliff edge. His body is heavy and he can’t move the way that he wants to. He doesn’t have the strength that he needs to save his mother from the monster that is waiting below and just out of sight.

The violence of the nightmare shows that Conor feels that he is responsible for protecting and saving his mother. It is safe to assume that the swirling dark monster that Conor encounters in this nightmare each time is the cancer that his mother has been fighting for so long. This nightmare suffocates him and hangs over his head. He feels terrible guilt in that he can’t hold on to her hands as she is torn from the cliff’s edge by the monster of Conor’s nightmare.

“The Rest of the Fourth Tale”

Here, Conor’s nightmare continues. This is the first time that he has continued in the dream since the point his mother falls off the cliff. Normally he wakes in a terror at this point. However, he is still in the nightmare along with the monster. The monster is not satisfied with what Conor thought was his tale. However, the tale is just beginning. Conor must speak his truth. The monster tells him if that he cannot do this then he will die.

Knowing that he must continue his tale and speak his truth wraps Conor in dread, anxiety, and fear. The terror he feels begins as a flame inside him and soon he is spewing fire in an attempt to avoid speaking his truth. Screaming aloud with pain and grief, Conor finally admits the fourth tale. “I can’t stand it anymore!” Conor says. The truth that has been eating Connor alive has been that he just wants this waiting to be over. Knowing that she will be gone and waiting is more than he can continue to bear. The suffering is too much and he feels such guilt that he just wants it all to be over with.

“Life After Death”

Conor awakes on the grassy hill outside of his house after the nightmare ends. He has not died by fire like he thought he did in the dream. He is surprised because he thought his tale would deserve punishment. He thought his thoughts made him a terrible person and that he deserved “the worst”.

Conor admits to the monster that he believes that it is his fault that his mother is dying. He tells the monster that he has been feeling like this for a long time. That he has just wished that it would all be over, even if that meant losing his mother. Connor feels terrible guilt for simply wishing for the end of pain. The monster tells him that this is such a human wish and that everyone, everywhere wishes this exact same thing. He tells Conor that he must speak the truth. It won’t be easy, as Conor has learned since he was almost willing to die rather than speak it.

Conor grow suddenly very tired and the tree creates a nest for him to sleep in. He reassures Conor that he can sleep and be able to see his mother soon. The chapter closes with an unanswered question for the monster from Conor as he doses off: Why do you always come at 12:07?

Join in next Monday for comments and discussion on the next 20 pages of the book!

Thanks for joining us for pages 173-196 (“The Fourth Tale,” “The Rest of the Fourth Tale,” and “Life After Death”) of  A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness!  Join in next Monday for the final chapters of the book!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club: A Monster Calls, pages 159-172

hospital room

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, after an idea inspired by Siobhan Dowd.  Catch up on pages 1-22, pages 23-43, pages 44-65pages 66-85, pages 86-107, pages 108-126, pages 127-141, and pages 142-158.

Let’s get started!

Commentary by Clarissa:

“A Note”

Conor is stuck in a waiting purgatory, seemingly isolated and unseen. “…Time kept moving forward for the rest of the world. The rest of the world that wasn’t waiting.” The words are subtle, but the meaning is strong. The audacity this world has to keep moving forward and to not wait with Conor! Then Lily offers a beautiful gesture in a note when she apologizes and says, “I see you.” It feels like a gift that Conor needs in this moment.

“100 Years”

Now Conor’s sense of knowing is growing stronger and less avoidable. He’s pulled out of school to see his mom and that alone means it is serious. Conor and his mom finally have “the talk” and he becomes angry. She grants his anger permission now and forever in the future. She wishes she had a hundred years to give him. He is determined more than ever to speak to the Monster.

“What’s the Use of You”

The Monster owes an explanation now, as Conor channels his anger into a full-on attack. He’s let Conor down by not healing his mother. “I did not come to heal her. I came to heal you,” the Monster explained. Conor grapples with this explanation, finally accepting that he does in fact require the monster’s help. It’s time for the fourth tale.

Join in next Monday for comments and discussion on the next 20 pages of the book!

Thanks for joining us for pages 159-172 (“A Note,” “100 Years,” and “What’s the Use of You”) of  A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness!  Join in next Monday for the next chapters of the book!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!

Book Club: A Monster Calls, pages 142-158

storm clouds

Welcome to the comments and discussion of the Young Adult Cancer Book Club!  We are reading A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, after an idea inspired by Siobhan Dowd.  Catch up on pages 1-22, pages 23-43, pages 44-65pages 66-85, pages 86-107, pages 108-126, and pages 127-141.

Let’s get started!

“I No Longer See You”

Commentary by Marie:

The conflict between Harry and Conor comes to a head in this chapter. Conor is filled with desperation and pain as he focuses on this new treatment for his mum from the yew tree, when Harry and his sidekicks arrive to taunt and bully him once again. Conor is no longer afraid and possibly even welcomes the interruption but then Harry surprises him by saying he’s figured Harry out and then he offers his hand to shake. Then he utters the devastating words “I no longer see you” before walking away as if Conor is invisible. The monster appears as the lunch hall clocks reads 12:07; it is time for the third tale.

Commentary by Natalie:

This chapter starts with the grandma silently indicating that the new treatment is not working. Then things with Harry come to a head when he finally realizes what he can do to punish Connor more than beating him which is to completely ignore him.

“The Third Tale”

Commentary by Marie:

This is a short tale about a man who was effectively, though not actually, invisible, who one day becomes tired of being unseen. The yew monster asks “And if no one sees you, are you really there at all?” which must echo how Conor is feeling and may explain his first moment of violence, destroying his grandmother’s sitting room earlier, and his ongoing ambivalence about class work, as he feels invisible and struggles to give voice to his fears and emotions. Conor asks the monster how the man in this third tale made people see him and the reply is “he called for a monster” as Harry is shoved across the dining hall by the monster. Suddenly the whole school is watching, though no one will make eye contact as if they are embarrassed. Harry taunts Conor, actually mentioning his mum, and says Conor wants to be punished for some terrible secret. It seems Harry does understand Conor, but not enough to see the beating coming.

Commentary by Natalie:

The Third Tale was the most difficult for me to read because you can see that Connor is hurting but doesn’t know where to take out his aggression. In this tale the monster is talking to Connor as he is physically manifesting the tale by attacking Harry while the whole school watches.

“Punishment”

Commentary by Marie:

We are told that Conor beat Harry so badly that he ended up in the hospital. Yet, Miss Kwan and the headmistress are reluctant to hold Conor accountable. Miss Kwan mentions Conor’s “special circumstances” (but doesn’t come right out and say Conor’s mum is ill which makes Conor wince). Now we understand that Conor’s perception is that the monster beat Harry though Conor could nonetheless feel the blows as if he had given them and through the haze he could see the other schoolchildren looking on in shock and terror. Conor attempts to tell the headmistress that it wasn’t him that did it and the headmistress doesn’t seem to have a response to that, though Miss Kwan notes that the entire lunch hall saw Conor giving the beating.

These chapters where Conor becomes violent reminded me of another book I read recently of a child who had horrible tantrums – it’s described from the point of view of the child and he felt there was a monster inside him that sometimes would get so big and uncontrollable and then would completely consume him during his fits. It almost seems that the yew monster’s story world that Conor gets transported to is a little like something that consumes Conor so he doesn’t fully see and feel his destructive actions. This, in a way, gives Conor permission to express his rage and helplessness.

The conclusion of this incident is both unexpected and yet conceivable. The headmistress tells Conor that normally this behaviour would be punished with immediate expulsion, which causes Conor relief because everything would make sense again. But then the headmistress lets him go with only the vague threat that someday they will talk about this incident, but not today. Conor has to go back to class as if everything is normal; Conor is no longer invisible but he feels more isolated than ever.

Commentary by Natalie:

The headmistress has to decide how to punish Connor for beating Harry at school. Connor instantly feels relief that he will get in trouble which will provide a distraction from what is going on with his mother but quickly realizes that they are not going to punish him and he will continue to be the kid that everyone stares at in school.

Join in next Monday for comments and discussion on the next 20 pages of the book!

Thanks for joining us for pages 142-158 (“I No Longer See You,” “The Third Tale,” and “Punishment”) of  A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness!  Join in next Monday for the next chapters of the book!

We will talk about a few chapters each Monday until the book is done.  If Monday happens to be a holiday, then the post will publish on Tuesday.  Once we finish the book, we’ll use one more Monday to talk about general feelings from the book and anything else you’d like to discuss.  We’ll also have a video chat book club discussion at the end!  Join in, in the comments every week!  Also, there will probably be spoilers so read along with us!

Excited about the young adult cancer book club?  Have any suggestions for future reads?  Let us know!