Radio Days And The Boob Bubble

young breast cancer radiation therapy

Outside. Directly opposite. Big Ben has chimed a big fat 9 am.

St Thomas’s radiotherapy unit. This is my home away from home for the next 23 consecutive days – excluding weekends – cancer doesn’t do weekends – thus resulting in my appointments being drawn out and clashing with my beloved Glastonbury Festival. Nooooooooo. To go during radiotherapy or not to go? That is the question.

I look around me at a sea of white hair. Bloody hell. Everyone’s so old. I don’t want to get that old. So old some of these patients look like they’ve been wheeled in from the set of Dr Who. Fossilised and mute. Why are you here?! What’s the point of prolonging your life?! What quality of life are you going to actually have? Yeh the heart’s still beating but everything else is buggered. I’d just like to reach 50 please universe. No more, no less if that’s not too much to ask. As I contemplate this, I notice an elderly patient smiles at me…. and doesn’t stop smiling at me.

Bridget is 80. She’s a sweetheart and there to have her pelvis done. She tells me her ENTIRE medical history, then lowers her voice to almost mouth the words…

“Once my radiotherapy finishes I have to stick several medical objects up my…….!!!!”

Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.

Her eyes light up, “I’ve never used a vibrator before.”

Silence.

Say something Lara!

“Well….. better late than never.”

Bridget gets called to her appointment.

Thank……………God.

It’s been two months since I finished chemo. Three weeks after chemo I had a re-excision – usually it’s meant to be 4 weeks but my surgeon fast tracked me so I had a chance of making it to Glasto. Priorities man. I love my surgeon. A re-excision is basically more surgery to remove a bit of skin in my boob that was touching the tumour. This is called the ‘margins.’ Imagine my tumour is a fried egg sunny side up. Which is appropriate really, seeing as my tits look like a couple of fried eggs. The tumour is the yellow yolk and the margins are the egg white. Everything has to be removed. The surgery is done using the naked eye. My dear surgeon thought he’d removed the whole fried egg in my first round of surgery (I had a lumpectomy.) But the pathologist (who’s job is to cut and examine the juicy lump of tumour tissue) found he’d only removed three quarters of the margins. So he went back in there and cut the last bit of the quarter out. The results came back clear. No traces of cancer. Boom.

Three weeks after the re-excision I go in for my radiotherapy pre-assessment. I lie on the measuring table. The nurses tattoo 3 tiny dots (the closest I’ll ever get to being cool.) One in the centre of my chest and the other two either side of my boobs. This is so the measurements are completely precise. Radiation is hardcore. It’s so strong that not only will it kill any cancer cells, it also kills the healthy cells and can potentially damage my ribcage and my lung as it zaps the shit out of where my tumour was and the area directly around it. It kind of reminds me of a microwave nuking my insides. This is why the radiotherapists don’t want to damage any more of me than is necessary, hence the exact tattooed measurements.

“Have you had an implant?” asks the nurse.

I snort.

“Do you think my boobs would be this small if I had implants?!”

The nurse titters “Yes you have a point” and carries on the examination. A confused look comes over her face.

“Mmmm there seems to be something in there. But don’t be alarmed.”

(Riiiiiight.) I smile. Nervously.

She proceeds with my CT scan.

“OK Lara. Just looking at your scan, it appears you have an air bubble stuck in your breast.”

Sure.

“Is that normal?”

“I’ve never seen it before. It must have got trapped in there after surgery. I think it’s best you get it seen to before you start radiotherapy as it could effect things.”

I get dressed and have a good feel.

Yep, there’s a large air bubble in my boob. Not dissimilar to a giant freaking piece of bubble wrap.

I book an appointment with my surgeon. My breast care nurse comes along for moral support. The three of us sit there. And giggle. Neither of them had heard of anything like this before. After sticking a syringe in it (I didn’t deflate like a balloon whizzing round the room sadly) the doc shows me what he’s drawn out. A tiny bit of red goo. Barrrfffff. But the bubble’s still there.

An ultrasound later (that doc had never seen anything like it either) I carried on my merry way with the advice “it should eventually absorb back into your body.” And sure enough, a week later, it did. Bubble tit drama over.

So, back to the radiotherapy unit. I’m lying dead still. All Saints ‘Never Ever’ is playing. Never ever as a 14 year old listening to that song did I imagine myself lying here half naked looking like Sigourney Weaver in Alien about to have my tit nuked.

Brrrrrrrrr it’s always so cold in here. They crank the air con up to keep the equipment cool. My nipples are like pistols. I almost expect the radiotherapist to halt dead and stick her hands up on entering and seeing them!

The lovely radiotherapists walk in.

“Ooo it’s cold in here,” one of them says.

“Hang on a minute. I’m half naked. At least you’re all wearing clothes! My nipples are like bottle openers!”

They all chuckle. I am quite funny.

“Ok Lara, see you in a moment.”

The radiotherapists dash out of the room – they can’t be anywhere near the machine when it’s in action. I mean who wants to be near a machine that transmits radiation and can potentially cause cancer?

Oh.

As I lie there on my back, arms stretched up over my head, nipples you could hang a coat on, I think about how at ease I’ve become with being naked in front of all the nurses and Doctors. At least this is a flattering position. It’s certainly the most pert they’re ever gonna look.

The 23 days are a jumble. It takes more than cancer to stop me from going to Glasters. Friday morning straight after rads I set off with my wellies and sequins. It was the best weekend ever, spent laughing and dancing with my wonderful friends who surrounded me with LOVE. I’ve never done Glasto sober before. Who needs alcohol and narcotics when you can have vegan sushi and a gong bath?!

On Monday, full of happiness and my yearly Glasto rebirth of life (I promise you, no narcotics) I drove straight from Worthy farm to the hospital, covered in glitter and grinning from ear to ear in time for my LAST radiotherapy session.

The perfect way to end active treatment.

This post originally appeared here.

Shining The Light On Metastatic Breast Cancer

metastatic breast cancer

Refinery 29 is shining the light on metastatic breast cancer.  Using wonderfully beautiful photographs of women facing metastatic breast cancer.

“…Refinery29, in partnership with #Cancerland, has been bringing you these women’s stories, in an effort to change the conversation about breast cancer. We’ve talked about how only about 2% of the money raised for breast cancer research goes toward metastatic disease, and we followed stage-IV activists to D.C. as they lobbied congress to change that. But as October comes to an end, we want to turn to the daily, lived experiences of these women: What is it really like to live with a disease that everyone seems to have heard of, but no one really understands?”

The pictures show the scars and the faces and the souls behind the women, bringing life and awareness to this terrible disease.  The women talk about quality of life and the continual grieving that happens when life and its goals are irrevocably changed.

Are you a metastatic young adult cancer survivor interested in sharing your story?  Email info@lacunaloft.org.

image via

Let’s Talk Nipples

nipple prostheses

Let’s talk nipples. After a unilateral or bilateral mastectomy, women are left with many choices. To reconstruct, fake it, or stay flat. It all comes down to personal preference. For women who decide to undergo breast reconstruction, the nipple stage can be the icing on the cake — the final step in piecing yourself back together. Though each woman’s reconstruction story is unique and personal, the nipple choices can be boiled down to three main options.

  1. Surgically reconstructed nipples
  2. 3D nipple tattoo
  3. Prosthetic nipples

For some women, the lack of nipples can be quite an emotional struggle. They may look in the mirror and see an unrecognizable image, one that does not look or feel “normal” or complete. Nipples can provide that aesthetic element that is missing and help to bring a sense of confidence during the difficult reconstruction process.

I am slated to have my implant exchange surgery in November and I am not interested in going through another surgery to reconstruct nipples. That leaves me with the choice of 3D tattoos or nipple prosthetics. While at the Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC) conference last weekend, I finally got a chance to check out Pink-Perfect nipple prostheses, something I was enamored with since I saw them at the YSC conference back in March. They are just so COOL!

Pink Perfect produces realistic ready-made adhesive silicone nipples for women who have undergone unilateral or bilateral mastectomies. The silicone nipples were designed by a breast cancer survivor and are made by an artist to replicates the shape, size, color and texture of your remaining or original nipple (s) The nipples are waterproof and can be worn in the shower, ocean or swimming pool.

bold-sandy-front

Pink Perfect offers a wide range of colors and projection options (modest, natural or bold). The color options are shown in the image below. I was matched to the color Sandy. If you don’t find a color that matches your body, Pink Perfect will work one-on-one with you to create a custom prosthetic nipple (s) that perfectly matches your body. The custom option is a bit more expensive.

pink-perfect-8

The ready made colors/styles are available for $240 and the custom version is $330. All prices reflect a $40 discount offered for October only. My Cancer Chic followers can also apply a special promo code:mycancerchic to obtain an additional $25 off. Keep in mind that many insurance providers will cover prosthetic nipples. You will need to talk to your plastic surgeon to get a prescription, just like you would for mastectomy bras.

After trying the nipples, I was surprised by how easy they could be applied and how realistic they are. The medical grade adhesive allowed me to wear the nipples throughout a normal day, and while exercising and showering. I think the silicone nipples would be a wonderful option for anyone considering nipple reconstruction. They are pain free, less expensive than surgery and allow you the opportunity to see if nipples provide you a sense of emotional comfort or closure.

pink-perfect-before-and-after-1

After wearing the nipples for a few days, I realized that the nipples did not change the way I felt or the way I saw my body. They were super fun and kind of sexy, but my real nips are gone forever and will never be replaced. I will never be able to breastfeed and what was once a fun zone is now a cemetery. I found that I like being nipple-free. I love going bra-less and I have accepted my appearance post-surgery. It did not happen over night, but I am coming to love this new body of mine. I am rebuilding my own body image and for me, nipples just aren’t going to be a permanent part of the package. I am so grateful for the opportunity to try the prothestics to confirm my decision about not undergoing the nipple reconstruction surgery. Now I have the option to choose nipples like a fashion accessory each day and someday down the line I may get a 3D nipple tattoo.

If you’re interested in nipple reconstruction, I highly suggest you try the nipple prostheses first. If you want to avoid another surgery, these are a great alternative.

If you want to see how the nipple prostheses work and how to apply them, check out this awesome video by the lovely Aniela McGuinness of ‘My Breast Choice’. Also, if you haven’t seen her AMAZING photo series of before and after mastectomy photos, check them out here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpiWZYWYOO8)

Disclaimer: I was provided with this product for free in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and are not influenced by the company that provided this product.(Lacuna Loft has received no compensation for this product…we just want you to know your options!)

(Lacuna Loft has received no compensation for this product…we just want you to know your options!)

Originally published on mycancerchic.com.