One Little Word: Grow

one little word

Have you seen the One Little Word posts going around the blog-o-sphere lately?  This movement was started by Ali Edwards and you can read her whole explanation of it here.  If you haven’t seen this phenomen pop up on the blogs that you read check out one here, another one here, a previous one of mine here, and a final one here.

 “A single word can be a powerful thing.  It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything.  It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow…a word to focus on, mediate on, and reflect upon…” – Ali Edwards

Recently my church made star shaped pieces of paper with printed words…words like grace, wonder, sympathy, motivation, joy, hope, consideration, peace, solitude,to name a few.  We were instructed to take a star, see what word was on the back of it, and contemplate how we experience, or don’t experience, our word in the coming year.  I received the word patience.  I literally groaned when I read it…ugh!

I am not a patient person by nature.  When I think of something I need to do, I want to go and do it immediately.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about something that I think I’ve lost, and I need to go and look for it right then.  But yesterday morning, in the middle of yoga and ruminating on the paper that I still haven’t finished writing with my friends down at NASA, my thoughts turned to the impatient way in which I first reacted to my star word.  Patience.  I recoiled from it.  I felt my heart take a step back and my mind scoff at the nerve of that little word.

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While I don’t think I’ll paint the word patience as a banner on my heart, my mind has been working since then to figure out what word fits better (while not ignoring that I probably could use a bit more patience in my world and in my soul this year).  In the life of a young adult cancer survivor & former caregiver, I have found words to have a profound influence on my perceptions.  Art projects in cancer wards are full of words of hope, courage, and bravery.  Inspirations quotes on cancer survivors’ t-shirts, wall hangings, and pinterest accounts, all have mantras of resilience, vitality, and strength.

When I think of the past year or two, a feeling of waiting has fallen over my life.  I feel like I have been waiting to be 5 years out of my cancer diagnosis (and therefore more statistically likely to stay cancer free), waiting to have more money and financial freedom, waiting to have children, waiting to figure out what happens with Lacuna Loft, waiting to see if I decide to go back to my life as an engineer, waiting to be less sad about my mother’s passing, waiting to feel less stressed and anxious, waiting to have more free time with my spouse…waiting, waiting, waiting.  Well, enough is enough.  In the past few months I have felt myself realizing that the time is now.  It is time to grow where I am, with what I have, and what I am working for.  Time to grow in patience.  Time to grow in courage for the uncertain future.  Time to plant myself where I grow best.

grow.

Have you thought about assigning one little word to your 2015?  Have you set any other resolutions or mantras for the new year?  Being a young adult cancer survivor makes all of this more complicated I believe.  Band together and share what you’ve learned!

10 Tips To Feel Less Lonely

how to feel less lonely

Dealing with young adult cancer or long term illness can be very isolating.  Whether you’re a caregiver, patient, or survivor, finding ways to keep your social network actively engaged can be quite a task…one that changing energy levels can make even more cumbersome.

We’ve talked a bit about different ways to keep your social network engaged by hosting a party with very little work, creating party themes, and ideas for things to do before 11 pm but today we have 10 tips for how to feel less lonely and isolated!

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[list_item]call up a friend.[/list_item]
Sometimes help is just a phone call (or text) away.  When I’m feel lonely and isolated, I have a tendency to continue that feeling by burrowing myself in my house (and often under the covers).  Reaching out to someone and asking for some love and attention in the form of an open ear can make all the difference in the world.

[list_item]go for a walk.[/list_item]
When feeling lonely and isolated, fresh air can actively re-energize the body and mind.  Walking outside, it is so much easier to realize that you hold a special and unique place in a very beautiful world.

[list_item]send a card.[/list_item]
Maybe this is something personal to me…but I absolutely adore getting snail mail.  I’ve also found that taking the time to send someone snail mail makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Spending a few minutes (or longer) writing out a card to someone I love feels a lot like hanging out with them.  They get to sit and listen to anything I want to tell them…and its all wrapped up in a great, card-like package!

[list_item]stay off of book face.[/list_item]
Unless you’re using facebook for some cancer or illness community event (maybe an online meet up?), facebook is the last place you need to be when feeling lonely or isolated.  Facebook is where people seem to put the very best and most beautiful pieces of their life for all to see.  Very few people talk about feeling low or sad or scared.  While feeling lonely, browsing through pictures and posts of the very best versions of all of your facebook friends is destructive.  Call a real person and talk to them.

[list_item]exercise.[/list_item]
I know, I know.  Exercise is one of those things always suggested in self-help-y type of articles and posts.  But, you know why?  Because it really does work!  Get that blood pumping and those endorphins flowing in the most natural way possible, by moving your body.  Try starting with a walk, and slowly increasing to a jog.  Take a dip in your local swimming pool.  Pump up those bike tires, grab your helmet, and take a spin around the block.  Even when I don’t want to exercise, I’m always glad that I did.

[list_item]try a new hobby or an old one.[/list_item]
Whenever I am feeling down in the dumps, spending some time doing something that I love always helps.  Whether I’m sewing for a few hours, finishing up a stained glass project, reading a great book, or trying a new DIY activity, I always feel like a new person when I’m getting my hands dirty.

[list_item]treat yourself with care.[/list_item]
If your best friend called you up and expressed that they felt lonely and isolated, what would you tell them?  Are you telling yourself the same things?  Sometimes we are our toughest critics and our self-talk can get pretty nasty.  If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself!

[list_item]take yourself on a date.[/list_item]
Really want to go out to dinner or to see a movie?  Do it!  Even by yourself, these activities can be very fun and calming.  Bring a book or your favorite magazine to dinner, then scoot off for a great new flick…don’t forget the popcorn!

[list_item]learn a dance off of YouTube.[/list_item]
Try learning this one!

[list_item]grab yourself your favorite beverage.[/list_item]
I love drinking hot tea on a cold day or iced coffee on a warm afternoon.  Just taking time to give myself something that I enjoy helps to calm my soul and reset myself if I’m out of sorts.

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What are the ways that you use to feel less lonely?

A Life Manifesto

Adapting to life as a young adult cancer survivor is not easy.  The cries of do what you love and make every moment count can really be difficult to connect to when you’re not feeling well or still actively adjusting to your life post-cancer.  With this in mind, sometimes it is nice to have something to strive for…even if you need to acknowledge that there will be stepping stones along the way instead of giant leaps of progress.

A year ago, I found this awesome manifesto from Holstee in a Seattle, WA shop.  I wanted it so badly but flying back across the country with a huge poster didn’t seem like the most logical thing to do.  The words of this manifesto resonated so deeply with me though…I was just about to leave graduate school and start Lacuna Loft.  I had a dream of a wonderful community where survivors, just like me, could come and learn to slow down yet still thrive in this new world.

A few months later, I received the life manifesto print for a gift.  It is now hanging in the Lacuna Loft offices.  and.i.LOVE.it.

What kind of life manifesto do you live by?  Did you know that Stupid Cancer has a manifesto too…you should check it out 🙂

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“This is your life.  Do what you love, and do it often.”

How To Keep Your Sense Of Humor

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

-Bill Cosby

It is the rare person who can hang on to her sense of humor while living with illness or while caregiving. It’s not for lack of trying; it’s just that we wind up sacrificing humor for other things we need more: pride, dignity, a sense of control. But laughter really is the best medicine, because it can make more bitter medicines easier to swallow. Here are five ways to keep your sense of humor during difficult times.

1. Partner With A “Tigger.”

In her book Happier at Home, Gretchen Rubin writes about the Eeyore-Tigger relationship: when one person speaks and acts gloomily, the other instinctively reacts by trying to cheer him up. Most people are the Eeyore in some of their relationships, and the Tigger in others (though some people simply tend one way or the other). When you’re living with long-term illness, it’s almost impossible not to be the Eeyore at least some of the time; it’s natural and understandable. But it doesn’t have to be your permanent state of being if you find a Tigger to partner with.

I’ve been lucky enough to have two “Tigger partners” when I needed them most. My best friend from high school got me through long hospital days by cracking one-liners, playing dirty mad libs, and one memorable time, making out with a balloon (until the nurse walked in and caught her). Nowadays, as I deal with sick family members and my own occasional “cancer returning” scare, my husband takes on the role. From inappropriately dark jokes, to puns, to prodding me not to take myself so seriously, my husband keeps my spirit going.

2. Monitor Your Media.

This is not the time to binge-watch hospital or prison dramas, or read dark fiction designed to provoke moral dilemmas. Put yourself on a diet of funny, and vary it by delving into different types of humor, from I Love Lucy to old SNL-cast movies, to raunchy contemporary comedies. Read memoirs by Tina Fey and Ellen DeGeneres, and lighthearted YA or romance novels that you know will end happily. If your body becomes what you eat, your brain becomes what you read and watch.

3. Take A Cue From A Child.

No one knows how to let loose and find the light in life better than a child. If you don’t have one, borrow one. Set the kid in an environment made for play and exploration, and then, no matter how silly or embarrassing, follow his lead. If she wants to crawl through tunnels and slide down slides, do it. If he smears ice cream all over his face, do that too. It won’t take long before you find your fun-loving inner child. (If you’re unable to physically do what the child does, that’s fine, too- just watch and live vicariously.)

4. Fake It Till You Make It. 

Laugh. Right now. Just laugh. It’ll start out fake, but eventually it’ll turn real. Laughter is contagious, and you can infect yourself. Once you’ve found how well it works, plan it into your day. Make a “laugh break” whenever you need it most. Schedule it on your calendar as “LOL” and then really laugh out loud.

5. Make A Humor Habit.

Add bits of humor into your everyday life. If you find a page online that consistently makes you laugh, whether it’s LOLCat or Damn You AutoCorrect, make it your home page. If you like a particular comic in the Sunday paper, cut it out and stick it on the fridge. If you always laugh and relax with a certain friend, ask her to call or email you on a regular basis. There are plenty of small ways to add humor into your day; little rays of sunshine that can add up to serious day-brightening.

What are some other ways to keep your sense of humor during difficult times? Feel free to comment and share! 

Survivorship: A Journey Forward

When I entered the stage we call “survivorship” I was having trouble figuring out what was next. How soon will I feel better? Do I go back to work? When is my next PET scan? Will my cancer grow back? When will I be able to eat normally again? These, and many other questions, clouded my brain. I found that the “quotes” section of Pinterest was a good source for inspiration to keep my mind at peace.

As simple as it sounds, I learned a few things about moving forward from these quotes. One particular important piece of knowledge I gained was that you must take things one step at a time. Figuring out “what’s next” on your journey is difficult! When it feels like things are completely overwhelming, remember that continuing forward starts with a single step. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Celebrate the little victories. Always remember that you are brave. You are a survivor. And you will get through this.

Here are some of my favorite images I’ve found that bring me peace on my journey. Feel free to follow my Pinterest board for more – and create your own board to inspire your journey forward!

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Do you have any favorite sources of inspiration?  Do you have any favorite places to find inspirational quotes?  Share them with us!  For other posts we’ve shared on inspirational quotes go here

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A Beautiful Message From Colbie Caillat

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A good friend sent me the link to this video recently and I have not stopped listening to it.  The feel good and beautiful message from Colbie Caillat is that it’s not about the makeup and the hair and the nails and the clothes and the body shape.  We talk a bit about many of these things here at Lacuna Loft in an effort to take control over our lives while difficult things beyond our control are happening…but life isn’t just about how we look.  And how we look can only take how we feel so far.  The main question that she poses is Do you like you? ….

You don’t have to try so hard.  You don’t have to give it all away.  You just have to get up.  Get up.  Get up.  Get up.  You don’t have to change a single thing.  You don’t have to try, try, try, try…

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Life Lessons From My Dogs

Dogs offer the best life lessons.  I have two pups and they are a huge part of my life.  Not having children, the two pups have basically taken over my facebook and instagram feeds with their constant adorable-ness 🙂  Besides being cute though, these two mutts offer so much love, joy, and contentment to my life.  They help me get outside when I don’t want to go.  They help me smile when I am crying.  Whether a fighter, survivor, or caregiver, sometimes life requires taking a page out of the pups’ books about living life to the fullest 🙂

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[list_item]ask for help[/list_item]
BellyRubs

Caya insists on belly rubs all.the.time.  Seriously, if she has ever felt self-conscious about asking for what she wants, I have never seen evidence of it.  I’ll walk in a room and she will roll over immediately, waiting for pets.  I’ll leave and come back 5 minutes later to find her still laying on her back!  Asking for help can be this easy.  Caya knows that she LOVES belly rubs and I know that I LOVE spending time with friends.  Pick up the phone and ask for what you need from the people you love.

[list_item]it is always fun to go outside[/list_item]
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Inca loves going outside.  I just have to whisper the word outside in her ear and she immediately gives me her full attention.  I know that spending time outside makes me feel better too…even on days when I feel less than my best.  Whether I’m sitting in a chair, taking a stroll with the pups around the neighborhood, or going for a run or bike ride, I love being outside.  For some reason though, sometimes it is hard to leave the house!  I have plenty to do here.  My comfy bed is here…as is the comfy couch.  My pups though?  They love going outside, no matter what.  They are always there to give me that little boost or nudge that I need to get outside 🙂

[list_item]take breaks[/list_item]
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If anyone knows how to relax when it is time to take a break, it is pups…or cats I guess, but I have less experience with them 🙂  I work from home a majority of the time now and I pictured my days filled with my growing career and playing with my two dogs.  Nope!  Around 10 am the pups take to their beds and snooze until mid-afternoon!

[list_item]play nice[/list_item]
happy dogs

I’m pretty sure that my two pups love each other.  They sure spend a lot of time around one another 😉  Every once in a while though, one of them seems to cross some sort of imaginary boundary that the other has defined and a small disagreement occurs.  Some glances are exchanged and sometimes those hackles on the back of their necks are even raised.  10 minutes later though?  It is like nothing happened!  What I take from this?  Stick with those people in your life who are worth raising your hackles at every once in a while and then forget that anything happened.  The people who you raise your hackles at over and over?  Now, those people are a different story.  In general, everyone has their boundaries and everyone is going through something.  Express your problem with the situation and then forget it happened.  Play nice.

[list_item]this too shall pass[/list_item]
Caya, was present with me during my mother’s illness and then when my mom died.  Sometimes I talk directly to Caya when I’m feeling sad and wanting to be talking with my mother.  One night, I laid myself onto the bed next to Caya and cried and cried and cried.  Caya looked at me and put her paw right on my cheek, straightening her arm and deforming my face.  I couldn’t help but laugh.

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Motivational Desktops

Learning how to be a survivor, or going through that which needed surviving…those are tough times in life.  As I continue living through survivorship, little motivational happy thoughts really help me re-correct my outlook on something if I seem to be straying into negative musings.  I like the continual, gentle reminders that life is tough, but we are here to survive….and that even through the tough times, life can be very beautiful.  What kind of reminders do you like to keep your outlook on life as positive and happy as possible?  I, for one, love a good motivational poster 🙂

Brit.co is a website with great projects, designs, and recipes that I go to every so often.  Recently they had an article about 20 motivational desktop backgrounds that were also free!  I LOVE motivational stuff so I had to check it out.  I looked through the post and loved what I saw.  I ended up downloading quite a few of the wallpapers and have them as my computer’s desktop background in a slideshow format so that the poster switches every minute to another one.  🙂

I think I may print one or two of the posters for office art.  Do you all like motivational posters hanging around your working or living space?  Do you put motivational desktop backgrounds on your computer?

These are some of my favorites:

via – by Breanna Rose

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via – by Design Love Fest

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via – by Design Fest Love

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via – by Gloria Chen of Little White Whale

life-is-gouda

via – by Tony Howell

Wallpaper

via – by Design Love Fest

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via – by Julia Kostreva

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What are your favorites?  Are there any other pick me up methods that you prefer?